The Day after Thanksgiving-Year 3

The day after Thanksgiving brings forth pictures of Black Friday, sales, the start of the Christmas season. When I was little, we always put up the Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving. A tradition I haven't always kept. Usually, due to work, other times, just because I didn't feel like it. I spent yesterday with my extended family. I haven't done that in a couple of years. There aren't as many of us around as there once was. The older ones have died off, or are in nursing homes. The ones that are considered the "older" generation now were there, minus my Mom of course and another uncle who had passed this year. There aren't that many kids either. The "kids" which I used to be one of were mostly there. Their kids now are in college, or out in the world themselves. They haven't gotten to the age yet to have little ones. We watched home movies. I thought it would be a good idea to sit and enjoy a walk down memory lane. Most everyone enjoyed it, but it left me feeling more depressed than I thought I would. The whole lead up to the holiday has been tough on me this year. It's weird, but it has on my dad too. I didn't know this, of course, till a few weeks ago. It's odd how our emotions are in sync, even when we don't discuss it. Decided not to put a Christmas tree up this year. Everybody understands of course, but when I say I am not doing the present thing this year either, I get the odd looks. Don't get me wrong. I like buying gifts for people and enjoying the bacchanalia that is the Christmas season as much as the next person. Just not this year. One, money is tight, as it is for everyone, and two, I just don't have it in me. My Dad is fine, my kitty is fine, husband is fine, I am fine. Job is ok. Other than some financial stress, life is ok. This year, I see my Mom's face in every Christmas light, in every piece of holly or wreath. It's just plain hard. I guess people don't know how to act around those who decide they want to wear sackcloth an ashes at a joyous time of year. I have grieved these past 3 years, its true. But I have put off my grief to be the "glue" for a lot of people. My glue is cracked and flaking. I need to deal with some of my issues. Maybe it will turn around for me in a few days. Maybe not. Either way, I intend to let it run its course..