Well, *this* bites.

Nice title huh?

I've talked about all sorts of things on this blog and most of it has had to do with what I have been doing since my Mom died.  It has been pretty up beat, most of the time.  But I'm here to tell you, this grief stuff bites.

I've been having a super hard time lately missing my Mom.  I've felt myself sinking into a depression.  I've fought it, but here I am.  I have been finding it difficult to concentrate, work, or do most anything.  I recently had a bout of stomach flu and that tied it.  I'm depressed.  I've been dreaming of her often lately.  Nothing against my Dad, my Husband or friends and other family, but nothing can replace your Mother. 

I did some things last week I thought I would never do.  I was making reservations for my vacation and found a great place to go.  I was so excited, I picked up my cell phone to call my Mom to tell her.  I realized it before I dialed, of course, but the thought ran through my head.  I called my Dad, yeah, he wasn't as excited as Mom would have been.  I finally called my Great Aunt and she had the proper level of excitement. 

It hit me that my Great Aunt is the closest thing I have to my Mom right now.  She has parts of my Mom and my Grandmother rolled into one.  It made me happy for a second.  Then yesterday I found out she had a car accident on Sunday and nobody told me.  Really?  She's ok, mind you, but it made me realize just how close she is to her final hours too.  I have a strong faith, so I know that you can't rest all your life and happiness on people.  God is the only one you can always rely on to be there.  But it still isn't easy.

So here I sit, trying not to be obsessive about some recent health issues I have been having, trying to focus on my day, and realizing that I'm depressed.  I read the symptoms and I have it.  Been here before, I'm sure I'll be here again.

So, if you run across me and I'm not myself, just nod and let me go by.  It's harder this time though, so bear with me.